Breadless Mrs. B

Weight Watchers Week 26: 185.8 lbs And Feeling Like A Runner

2008-09-28T15:47:00.006-04:00

It doesn't matter that I posted a +0.4 lb gain this week at my meeting (thank you, Domino's) because I shaved almost 2 minutes off my best 5K race time yesterday. 5Ks used to seem so daunting to me, nearly insurmountable. But I remember thinking at the first mile marker yesterday, "Wow, a mile down already? That went fast." And I thought the same thing at the second mile marker, too. And the really amazing realization? It never occurred to me during the race that I felt like I needed to walk. Ever. In fact, two other thoughts kept invading my brain space, instead: 1.) "I really need to keep pushing my pace because the faster I go, the faster I finish." And 2.) "I really wish this girl would stop sprinting ahead of me whenever I catch up to her." (She kept sprinting ahead, and then stopped to walk awhile, and then she sprint ahead again whenever I finally caught up to her. Obnoxious.)

So I kept pushing myself. Next thing I know, I'm rounding the corner and I see the finish line just a block away. And now for the SUPER obnoxious part. Two or three serious-runner-looking types who were off in the grass watching the race suddenly join the girl who had been walking/sprinting ahead of me to encourage her to kick it in high gear to finish. Well, apparently she crashed and burned because I'm the one who found my second wind and sprinted to the end, kicking her butt - it felt AMAZING!!

The next race on the circuit: a 10-miler at the end on October, twice as long as any race I've ever attempted. Looks like I've got some work to do.

Weight Watchers Week 24: 187 lbs And Conquering The Plateau

2008-09-14T05:24:00.005-04:00

Ahhh.... Wow, this feels good. And by "this," I mean finally getting off that awful, frustrating plateau from the last month. By "this," I mean having best WW meeting ever yesterday, where the leader made me feel like a million bucks, asking me to stand up, twirl around, and try to put into words what it feels like to be 50 pounds lighter. "This" also refers to going to an actual running store yesterday with my husband to buy new running shoes for ourselves, something unimaginable 50 lbs ago. "This" = the pedicure I treated myself to yesterday as a reward for losing said 50 lbs. And "this" also means hearing my husband tell me yesterday after I got back from my meeting, "I'm so proud of you," and then taking me out for dinner last night to celebrate. Ahhh.... Yes, this feels really good.

Weight Watchers Week 23: 190.6 lbs And Plateaued...

2008-09-07T12:43:00.010-04:00

... but still fighting the good fight. I really hate getting into such a good rhythm of watching the pounds drop off only to hit a wall and see the scale come to a standstill for weeks on end. But I have to give myself a pat on the butt this time (hey, if football players can do it, so can I) - before WW, I would've used a colossal frustration such as a plateau to say to myself, "Self, this sucks. Nothing you're doing is working. You'll weigh the same tomorrow, even if you eat nothing but rice cakes and sweat a few miles on the treadmill. Why not kick back on couch all day with a couple jumbo-sized bags of kettle-cooked jalapeno chips? It just doesn't seem to matter at this point..." I never said it was a RATIONAL thought process, but that's what would go through my mind after a few days of not seeing the scale budge. It never occurred to me that when it comes to plateaus, the rules change: no longer is the goal to lose weight. Victory, instead, is more defined by NOT GAINING. By fighting through the time it takes for my body to recalibrate itself. To not sabotage the good I've done so far. To see that maintaining within the range of 190-194 lbs for the past month is hugely successful when compared to what might have been: falling off the wagon and eating everything in sight until I was back up twenty-some-odd pounds and staring at a number like 213 on the scale this morning (think it's impossible to gain 20 pounds in a month? Try me, I've done it more than a few times in my life...).

I've also found that it helps to not only switch my definition of success to maintaining, but also to find completely non-scale-related ways of defining progress. Right now, I'm jogging the best times of my short running career (it's funny to call this a running career, given my complete non-quickness). Case in point, last night I ran in 5-mile race on the beach. I've been kinda slackin' at the gym lately, and so I wasn't expecting great results - especially since I've never jogged longer than 4 miles. My goal was to jog half the race and walk the rest. But I don't know what happened. I kept setting mini-goals for myself, telling myself that I wouldn't stop to walk until I physically couldn't jog anymore. I don't know how I did it, but I jogged all but the first 3-4 minutes of the fifth mile. I JOGGED FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR LAST NIGHT!!!!!!!!! THAT'S HUGE!!!!!!! If that's not a victory, I don't know what is. And it's further confirmation that my 5K times will continue to improve..... Next stop - an improved 5K time on Sept 27..... I'll let you know.

So moral of the story? I'm successful this month because I don't weigh 213 lbs. My new size 14 khakis fit nicely. I continue to get lots of compliments from co-workers. I'm eating on-plan. I can jog more than 2 minutes without feeling read to collapse. I can walk up two flights of stairs without getting winded. And I don't feel miserable physically and emotionally during the day. None of the above would be possible had I thrown in the towel at the beginning of this plateau. And that is more than enough for me right now.

Weight Watchers Week 19: 190 lbs On The Tour De Pain

2008-08-09T17:49:00.005-04:00

<---- Yeah, I did that! And ran personal best times in each race, too. I'm still in shock, actually. Last night on the 4-mile beach run, I jogged the whole thing without stopping to walk, AND I felt like I could keep on running awhile longer if needed. This morning's 5K felt a lot harder, but it was also more humid. And this afternoon's 1-miler was also a scorcher, but the free pizza and beer afterward made it all worth it. And earning my Tour De Pain medal will probably be the only medal I'll EVER earn for running, so I'm wearing it EVERYWHERE!

Today Was A Good Day...

2008-08-05T23:28:00.002-04:00

... because I was showered with compliments all day long. Today was the first day of pre-planning, and just like our students have to re-adjust to the physical changes their peers go through over the long summer, I guess so do teachers. My fellow teachers ooh'd and aah'd over my summer slimdown, and it felt amazing. I know I've lost a lot (over 50 lbs since late March), but I guess I didn't realize hoq noticeable it was to those who hadn't seen me in awhile. I just couldn't stop smiling today. **Sigh**

Weight Watchers Week 18: 192.6 lbs In The Great State Of ILLINOIS

2008-08-03T21:21:00.011-04:00

Whew, the scale started moving in the right direction this week. I had been especially worried because I went up to Illinois recently to visit friends and family all over the state. But I planned well with lots of Core snacks for the plane and car trips, and I talked with both sets of parents to see what was on the "menu," so I was all set. And I followed through.

But what was most eye-opening on the trip was the WW meeting I went to while I was up there. I was all excited, too, 'cause I roped my mom into coming - I really wanted to show her the motivation behind all my recent success in downsizing. Wow, was that a mistake. I really hate to say this, but the WW leader was TERRIBLE. She had lots of confidence to speak in front of a group, but it felt like she used her leader role to turn the meeting into her own personal therapy session. She talked about herself most of the time, gave us lots of little side stories about her own weight loss journey, and .... well.... it was just bad. She finally came out and said that recent post-pregnancy-weight was the reason she turned to WW, which, in my not-so-unbiased opinion isn't related to an eating problem of ANY kind. I'm guessing that most of the other women in that room, myself included, couldn't relate to her, because unlike her, the rest of us had battled our weight our entire lives. She just had a baby, so of COURSE she's a bit bigger than she's used to. So what!?

The absolute worst part of the meeting was when she said that she joined WW when she finally ballooned up to a size 16 and was absolutely disgusted with herself. I wanted to walk out of the meeting at that point. There I was, so proud of all my efforts to GET BACK INTO my size 16 jeans, and she was DISGUSTED with that size? And most of the women in that room were bigger than me. If I felt bad, I'm sure quite a few of them weren't exactly feeling great about themselves, either, at that point. To top it all off, the topic was all about focusing on body parts that we like, and so she went off on a 5-minute tangent about how much she liked her butt! I seriously wanted to crawl into a hole, 'cause my mom was there and I'm sure she wasn't enjoying it AT ALL. I was SO distracted by the leader's inability to.... well, lead..... that I forgot all about my amazing 5-lb loss at weigh-in. That's right - FIVE POUNDS. For some reason, I assumed the lady meant 5 ounces when she weighed me in, so I made her repeat herself, and nope - 5 POUNDS :) But did they give me my 5-lb gold star? Of course not. Just a bad meeting all around.

I always knew my leader at home in Florida was great, but it wasn't 'til having the aforementioned awful experience that made me so grateful for MY leader. She clearly has a gift for what she does. I genuinely look forward to each and every meeting, just to listen to her talk and watch the way she turns every negative into a positive. It's impossible to leave without feeling like I can conquer my eating challenges, and the world, for that matter. She NEVER discusses her own size, and come to think of it, she never really discusses herself at all, except perhaps a few off-handed comments about how she gave into some dessert that week and got back on track the next day..... or her new gym membership and the challenges she faces making herself go...... just normal, everyday things we all face and deal with. She's so down to earth. And I'm sure she's never raved about her butt at a meeting, either.

Anyway. The rest of my trip was fantastic. I saw all my friends and family that I wanted to, I went and visited my alma mater (GO ILLINI) and went to visit my old high school. All of it made me sincerely miss small-town life. People who aren't from the Midwest will never understand the draw of being surrounded by a sea of cornfields instead of condominiums.... to experience four seasons instead of summer year-round..... and to be forced to slow down and take note of all this beauty because of traffic congestion of a different kind: a tractor pulling out onto the main highway to get to the next field. It all just made me sigh and say, "AHHhhhhh. I'm home."

The picture above is taken one such small town very near where I grew up. This pic is in Harvard, Illinois - "Home of Milk Day" (Hence the cow at the town's main intersection. Apparently, this intersection has a lot of accidents because everyone's busy staring at the cow. The Harvard Hornets were big rivals of my own high school back in the day, and rumor has it that the cow was susceptible to many a prank by such rival high schools. And that's all I'm gonna say about that.)

Weight Watchers Week 16: Dealing With My First Gain

2008-07-19T15:21:00.003-04:00

Well, I knew this day would come sooner or later. Today at my meeting, I posted my first gain at +0.6. I was on-plan all week, and I lost 4 lbs last week, so I'm not worried about it - I think my body's just readjusting to all the recent weight loss. Besides, today was my 16-week mark with Weight Watchers, so I had reason to enough celebrate anyway (WW says it takes 16 weeks to form a habit, so it's big milestone they like to celebrate).

And life is still great here in Onederland :)

Weight Watchers Week 15: 197.8 lbs in Onederland

2008-07-12T19:38:00.010-04:00

I'm thrilled today - at the meeting, I finally crossed over into the promised Onederland, losing 4 lbs this week! 41.6 lbs total in 15 weeks! I feel absolutely incredible.

The picture here is from last week in Sea World. I was in Orlando for a conference, and the hotel they put us up in was right across the street from the water park. I figured it'd be a crime not to go - especially since teachers get in free!

Weight Watchers Week 14: 201.8 lbs, Celebration 5K

2008-07-04T14:19:00.007-04:00

At weigh-in this morning, the Weight Watchers "weigh-er in-er" lady (what else would I call her, anyway?) said "Marchin' right along" after she told me I was down another 1.8 lbs. "Just marchin' right along toward your goal, aren't ya," she said again. How appropriate, I thought. Gone are the days of posting huge weekly weight-loss numbers into my little WW Membership Book. No more 5-lbs gone a week. My body seems to have settled into losing a comfortable pound-or-so a week, and I'm just fine by that - especially given the reality of the alternative of easily packing on the pounds by completely losing all self-control with food.

Another milestone - I improved my 5K time by running in the Celebration 5K yesterday morning for the 4th of July. My goal was to run under 38:11, which is what I did in last month's 5K attempt. During yesterday's race, I remember thinking throughout that I wasn't pushing myself, that there was a good chance I wouldn't improve, because I remember thinking that the last race I ran was sooooo difficult and that I nearly died trying to push myself so much. I kinda felt like I was just loping along. And so I was thrilled when I realized that I had shaved off nearly 2 minutes by finishing in 36:18 - I'll take it! Guess my "training sessions" at the gym have paid off :) .

Weight Watchers Week 11: 208.6 lbs

2008-06-14T14:51:00.005-04:00

I RAN FOR A PIE!!

Well, I didn't get one, but that's okay. I would've had to break 24:00 minutes, and we know that's not happening in this lifetime. BUT I'm happy with how I did. I ran it in under 39:00 minutes, which beats my old treadmill time of 42:17. I must say it felt pretty good to do so much better than I had expected of myself.

In other bravo-worthy news, I survived our B&B trip down to St. Augustine earlier this week. My strategy was to follow the Core Plan as closely as possible with regard to food, but then let the alcohol flow in the evenings. Turns out it paid off - I was down 0.2 lbs at the meeting's weigh-in this morning -- whoo-hoo!

I can't say enough how much I'm loving Weight Watchers. I've always known that most of my eating issues are all psychological in that I need more accountability. The meetings are great for that purpose, and I really look forward to them. Here's to continued success this summer!

Weight Watchers Week 2: 234.6 lbs

2008-04-12T22:58:00.003-04:00

I can't believe how good I feel already, mentally. I feel in control again. I love how Weight Watchers isn't so restrictive - I can eat what I want, so long as I "budget" for it. I've been working out, and I've already noticed that my metabolism's better, just by noting how ravenous I get when I don't eat regularly throughout the day. I just feel in control, and I love that feeling. And I love the meetings. I love seeing other people succeeding and celebrating their successes. Finally, this is the U-turn I've been needing for so long.

One bad thing this week, though - my knees. I've never EVER had knee pain before, and it's gotten so bad during this week that it's painful to walk in the morning when I get out of bed. I haven't worked out the past couple days because of it, trying to give them a rest. One problem, though, is that because I'm a teacher, I'm on my feet all day. So even though I'm taking a break from the treadmill, my knees are still getting too much of a beating at work. The pain hasn't been subsiding over the weekend, either, and I'm starting to worry now. Not because I don't want my weight loss to stall, but because, well.... I just don't think this kind of severe pain is normal at age 29. I'm really kicking myself for trying to jog too soon before getting my weight down. All this extra weight combined with my job, and carrying large bags of books up and down stairs at work everyday has probably been beating my knees up pretty badly.

Breadless Mrs. B, No More? Changing Sides With Weight Watchers: Week 1, 239.4 lbs

2008-04-05T13:20:00.012-04:00

Well, I did something today I never thought I'd do in a million years. I walked into my first Weight Watchers meeting this morning. Once again, I've completely let myself go, and this time my weight is the worst it's been in a loooong time. Last Saturday, I actually tipped the scales at 247.4. Just a few measly pounds away from my highest of 255 a few years ago when I first started out with low-carb. So of course none of my clothes fit, going from a size 12/14 to literally busting out of my size 18's (my side pockets in my khakis are actually ripping). My complexion's a mess, and I feel absolutely huge. The last straw? On my plane trip up to Boston a few days ago for Spring Break, I had one of those fat girl moments. You know that little arm rest thingy that separates the seats? Well, it wouldn't go all the way down because my big fat thigh was in the way. HOW EMBARRASSING. The guy sitting next to me kept trying to rest his arm on the armrest (duh), and kept pushing it down, like he thought it was broke or something. I was mortified.... I swore to myself I wouldn't do this to myself again, and yet here I am... hopelessly fat .... again.... the fat person that no one wants to get stuck sitting next to on a plane.

So all you faithful low-carbers, I have to find something different. While I fully acknowledge that my body responds best to low-carb, right now my emotional/binging issues with food far outweigh (how's that for a pun?) my body's sugar issues. I have got to find some system of accountability, support, and something with a better focus on portion control. And so I'm giving Weight Watchers a try.

My whole experience this morning at the meeting was one big pleasant surprise. I never realized what a following WW's has. I was afraid of it being a small group (where I'd stick out like a sore thumb) in some rinky-dink meeting room borrowed from another business. How wrong I was. This place was packed, I'd say easily 70 people, and they were running out of seats. And the office space was for WW only, complete with a reception area, staging area, scales, signs, posters, wall of products, everything. The leaders and receptionists were so nice, and I immediately felt like this was something I needed to look forward to once a week. And so I signed up. My first weigh-in: 239.4. SOoooo far to go, but WW focuses on just the first 10%, so 216 is looking somewhat doable.

And so, "Breadless Mrs. B" no more? Of course not..... but probably something more along the lines of "Less-Bread Mrs. B" would be in order ;)

3 Lives Down, 6 To Go

2007-09-23T14:24:00.000-04:00

Once again, I haven't written in awhile. And once again, there are a million different not-so-fun reasons why. As the title suggests, our fat cat Fergie gave us QUITE a scare earlier this month. She suddenly stopped eating, drinking, moving, responding, etc., and according to the vets, the situation looked pretty bad. Long story short, she's a lucky kitty, and an expensive one now, too. Turns out the "mass" they found in her belly was probably pancreatitis (swollen/inflamed pancreas) and NOT a tumor. Wish we could've known that BEFORE the ultrasound was done that cost about as much as our car payment! But at least it provided some peace of mind that whatever she had was completely gone, and that it wasn't cancer. So I think this little episode has cost her at least one of her nine lives. Combined with the fact that Fergie's former owner lost/abandoned her after getting her declawed (thus poor Fergie was wandering around outside completely defenseless and without the means to catch food to eat, who knows what could've happened to her - BAD CAT OWNER!!), and we then rescued her from a shelter that would've put her to sleep if no one adopted her, I figure she's used up at least three of those nine lives already! This picture was taken while she was almost fully recovered. I was packing to leave for a few days, and apparently she wanted to go with. Always demanding attention!!

Speaking of fat cats in suitcases, I went home to Illinois to visit family and to go to my best friend's baby shower. I had been SO STRESSED because of my fur-child being so sick, and because this new-teacher business is just sucking the life right out of me, I'm just so tired from trying to figure it all out. So I was worried about leaving it all for four days and being able to keep up. Turns out the trip couldn't have been more perfect, I got to see everyone I had planned on seeing and more, and all my flights were turbulence-free. No panic attacks mid-air this time!

Also going on this month after I got back from my trip was my first formal observation by my principal. I was a nervous wreck, but turns out it went perfectly, in my opinion. Really couldn't have been much better. The kids were perfect angels, the lesson I had chosen flowed smoothly, and the whole situation felt so relaxed. Afterwards, it felt like a HUGE crushing weight had been lifted off my chest. Progress reports were also due last week, so there were a couple nights where I had only gotten a couple hours of sleep, since I had to stay up late figuring all that out. Who knew my high school teachers when through all this crap?! And made it all look so easy!!

With all this juggling going on, I had to stop taking Alli. The "treatment effects" were simply too unpredictable and inconvenient for the kind of week I've had. Every morning at school, my planning period was spent near a bathroom, instead of actually planning or getting paperwork done. And with all that traveling, I just didn't want to be driving in the middle of nowhere in the rental car and suddenly be racing to the nearest exit for a bathroom. Just not worth it. But now that all that stuff is behind me, I started taking it again this weekend. I think it works best for me to only take on weekends, and then sparingly during the week. And I've still done quite well, considering that I had stopped taken it, was traveling, and didn't exercise at all. Honestly, I've just reached a whole new level of stress where I don't even feel like eating lately. Wow, never thought I'd say that, since my natural response to stress is to eat everything in sight.

And now for the progress report:

Going Low-Fat With Alli? Say It Ain't So, Mrs. B!

2007-09-02T06:45:00.000-04:00

Well, I finally gave in. But it's not what you think, let me explain. After reading and hearing about it for weeks, I finally went out and splurged a significant part of my new bigger and better teacher's paycheck on this new all-the-rage product. Alli touts itself as an FDA approved non-prescription weight loss aid, which helps you lose 50% more weight than dieting alone, somehow blocking about 25% of all the fat you eat. Warning: when the label says that it's to be used in conjunction with a low-fat diet, it means exactly that. This pill has some SERIOUS side effects (or, "treatment effects", as the program calls it) if you eat too much fat during a meal. It recommends keeping it under 15-19 grams of fat per meal, but I swear, I've been keeping it lower than that, and I've had some close calls trying to make it to the nearest bathroom.

All considered, this product has been worth it for me. I wanted something to help give my weight loss efforts a quick jump start, 'cause I've been really waffling with trying to get back on track. I've lost about 11 pounds since I started on August 16th, but who knows how much of that weight loss is attributable to Alli. I mean, I have been eating low-carb AND low-fat, which means that I've been eating loads of fresh veggies and more fresh fruits. I've also been focusing more on leaner meats and cheeses, which is new for me since I'm so used to doing low-carb and going hog-wild with all the bacon and eggs I can handle. By taking the pill with some of my meals, it really becomes a mental thing for me. Even though some low-carb proponents say to pile on all the butter I want, well, ..... why? Certain types of fats may be good for me, but do I really need to eat them in excess just because I'm eating low-carb? The pill really forces me to pay attention to unnecessary fat in my diet. And combined with low-carb, I'm reaping the benefits of teaching myself to eat MUCH more fresh produce and lean meats.

Anyway, I guess my point is that I'm not sure how much of my weight loss is the actually from the pill, rather than the lifestyle changes I've been making. I've also started training for that half-marathon next month, so who knows. The combined effect is that I'm losing weight, my clothes are fitting again, I'm happy, and that's all that matters. And I'm not giving up on low-carb. I'll ALWAYS be a low-carber. But I've realized that I also need to pay a little more attention to my fat and calorie intake, too, and Alli is forcing me to do just that.

Whiplash tangent - how great is it that it's finally football season again?! It's kinda like comfort food for me, but without the calories. There's nothing more relaxing that getting home from church on a Sunday morning, faced with the prospect of lazy day on the couch with a whole lineup of good football games on TV. And if I fall asleep to the sound of foul calls and yardage stats at some point, so be it. Music to my ears.

And now for the damage (although it's good news this week!):

I Can't Believe I'm Doing This!

2007-08-24T17:36:00.000-04:00

Yeah, I may be nuttier than squirrel poo (I've been dying to work in that line from the last Harry Potter book), but I've signed up to run a half-marathon in February '08. Don't let the logo picture fool you - there's a half-marathon that runs concurrently with the marathon. My exercise and weight loss efforts have really been paying off, and I'm just feeling inspired to really challenge myself. I know I won't be able to jog the entire 13.1 miles, but I can jog at least a 5K, so I'll work on building that mileage up even more and just powerwalk the rest. It's for a cause I'm really passionate about, too, and the timing is perfect, training-wise (it's a little under 6 months away, so I should be good and ready).

So I've started focusing my exercise routines on jogging again. And I've even told a few of my students and colleagues that I'm doing this, which helps to ramp up my commitment level, 'cause I don't want to go back on my word! But unfortunately, I haven't been able to continue my training this week - who knew teaching took such a toll on one's feet!!! My dogs hurt SO BAD!!! I've got blisters and everything from standing all day, so there went my step class. And forget jogging this week! My tootsies need some serious rest and recovery.....

And now for the latest and greatest:

Tag, You're It!

2007-08-18T21:58:00.001-04:00

So, Jimmy Moore of the "Livin' La Vida Low-Carb" blog went and "blog-tagged" me. Normally, I'd rank this up there with annoying chain letters and phone calls with automated messages.... BUT it IS Jimmy, and I love his blogs, so I consider it an honor - hehe. Besides, I haven't blogged in a long while, so it's the perfect kick in the pants for me to update it - thanks, Jimmy!

So.... I have to come up with 8 interesting things about myself? Yeesh, I'm feeling pretty dull lately, but here goes:

1. I'm starting a new career!! This coming Monday will be my first day as a teacher. I'm so excited!!! And this also explains why I've been feeling so dull as of late - so much work to do!!

2. I am a football FREAK. I LIVE for football season. Don't even try to pry me off the couch and away from the TV on Sundays and Monday nights. My team? DA BEARS!!!

3. I am incredibly opinionated when it comes to the names parents give their children. And I feel I've earned that right because I myself am the victim of having been given an unusual first name. And let me tell you - I'M the one who has to live with it, and I'M the one who has to put up with the constant misspronunciations and spellings. And you know who DOESN'T have to deal with it?? The parents who named me!!! (I still love 'em, though. Sigh.) To all the parents out there - YOU ARE NOT THE ONE WHO HAS TO LIVE WITH YOUR CHILD'S NAME!!! My biggest naming pet peeve??? When parents give their child a common name, but spell it "differently" (I call it just spelling it just plain "wrong") because they want their child to be unique. Parents, all that does is sentence your child to a life other people assuming (as they very well should be able to) that Jennifer spells her name just like that, and NOT as "Genypher" or something equally dumb. If you wanted a unique name, then make up an original name! Don't mess around with the common ones!!! Your poor child spends probably a good 5 years of their life correcting people. GRRRRR!!! Okay, I feel better now :) Whew!

4. I am also a HUGE tennis fan. No, I don't have a clue how to play, but someday I'd love to take lessons. My favorite surface is the clay court, and so I love watching the French Open. I was also fortunate enough to intern in London for 3 months a few summers ago, and so of COURSE I made sure to visit the hallowed grounds of Wimbledon - truly the church of the tennis!

5. I love extra-dark chocolate. And wine. 'Nuff said.

6. I have to sleep with the ceiling fan on, which is right above our bed. I have to be able to feel the air circulating, and I love the fact that the fan's constant hum blocks out random noise from bumps in the night.

7. I swore up and down in high school after a band trip to Walt Disney World (yeah, I was a band geek) that I NEVER needed to go back to Florida for ANY reason - TOO HOT!!! And now look at me. God really does have a sense of humor. My husband unfortunately is stationed here, and well...... the things we do for love.

8. I'm not a picky eater AT ALL (probably contributes to my love of food and thus my weight problem). I only say no to olives and pickles. Or anything pickled, really. EW!! And yet my favorite salad dressing is oil and vinegar..... go figure.

As for my 8 unsuspecting tag-victims, we'll give these a try:

1. Big Daddy D

2. Sherrie from Pinch Of ...

3. PJ's The Divine Lowcarb!

4. The Sugar Plump Fairy

5. Stumbling to Bethlehem

6. Mr. and Mrs. Fat

7. Calianna

8. The Steaks Are High

And now for the damage as of late (although I'm down from having topped out recently at 208!):

Hanging In There..... Barely

2007-07-21T14:40:00.001-04:00

I wish I could figure out what's wrong with me. Everytime I get into a stressful situation, all my healthy habits get chucked out the window, even though I know that keeping my weight down would help me weather life's storms so much better. And yet I'm at the drive-thru as soon as I leave work, or heading straight for the grocery store to stock up on junk food to stuff my face with all night. It makes absolutely NO SENSE. So now I've ballooned back up to almost 200 lbs. Definitely far from my highest weight ever, but still..... I was SO CLOSE to my goal weight earlier this year. I'm the classic example of self-sabatoging behavior.

What's been stressing me out? I'm switching careers, and I'm scared to death. I'm really excited, but I oscillate minute-by-minute between feeling scared and excited, so I'm constantly on-edge this month. I'm going to be teaching high school this fall, and I've never taught a single thing in my life. That also means that I had to give notice this month at my current job, something I've never had to do before, and that was stressful as well. It's really awkward going into work right now, knowing that I'll be leaving in a few days, and knowing that some of my coworkers will miss me (and I'm going to miss them so much, too), while others are upset that I'm leaving them at a really busy time for the business. I've also been stressing about getting older, I'm starting to find the gray hairs, everyone around me is having kids, and I don't have any yet, etc., etc. AND with all that going on inside my head, my husband has been gone the entire month of July with the ship. So no help or support whatsoever, other than a rare email every now and then.

So yesterday I finally put a stop to the madness. My back has been hurting a LOT for a few weeks now with the strain of weight-gain, as well as stiffness from not having working out for almost a month. I've also been withdrawing more and more from going out in public (unless I have to for work), simply because I'm so self-conscious about being heavier, and of course none of my clothes fit right now. In fact, when I told a couple of coworkers earlier this month that I had some news, one of them asked if I was pregnant before I could tell them that my news was that I would be leaving the company! I was MORTIFIED at how obvious my sudden weight gain had been. I'd say I'm just taking it one day at a time, but it's more like one minute at a time. Even as I write, I'm feeling dizzy from sugar and fast-food withdrawal. I just got back from the grocery store and stocked up on fresh produce and other low-carb staples, hoping that it would help motivate me. I'm hoping to make it to the gym today, but I figured I'd wait until tonight because it's near-empty on Saturday nights. I'm just so embarassed about being heavier again, and the last thing I want to do is go huff-and-puff on a treadmill in front of beach bodies. My goal right now is just to make it through the rest of the day.

For now I'm hanging in there, just like that cute little squirrel in the pic. We inherited hanging plants from some friends that just moved away last month (more stress!!), and now our balcony is a forest/circus with all the wildlife that the plants and new birdfeeders are attracting. Safe to say my cat is VERY happy with all the new entertainment outside.

And now for the damage:

Back In The Saddle Again

2007-06-03T12:43:00.000-04:00

And the lifelong battle continues. It's so frustrating to be sooooo close to my ultimate goal weight, only to sabotage myself and balloon back up to near-obesity. But I'm staying positive. It's still very much possible to do it this year. I can lose these last 30 pounds by Christmas, if can I just stop screwing around. I haven't been full-out binging, just making poor choices and not exercising as much as I should. And when I do get to the gym, I'm not really pushing myself to try to improve. Basically, I've just been complacent, not really gaining much, but not losing, either. I'm just in limbo.

The good news is that even though I gained some weight back (about 15 lbs), it's not as much as the last time this happened, or the time before that..... or the time before that. I jumped back up to only 184 this time (just under my obesity-level). Last time it was 208 before I turned it around. So again, I'm just trying to stay positive: I caught myself before I even crossed into official obesity-land, and I've only got a little more than 30 pounds to reach goal. And overall, I've still lost almost 75 lbs from my highest weight. Not too shabby!

So to kick-start my comeback, I'm going to be signing up for my area's 4th of July 5K. I'd like to do a personal best, but I'm not sure if I can get in good enough shape by then. Either way, it's something to work toward.

About this picture, my husband and I just got back from a trip to Savannah, Georgia. The ONLY reason we came back was because we can't exactly afford a 5-10 million dollar home in the historic district, like the one in the background. By the way, that's the Mercer Williams House, made famous by the book and movie "Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil". Savannah was one of the most romantic places I've ever been, and I'm so fortunate to be able to cross it off my life's to-do list.

And now for the latest progress update:

30-In-30 Challenge: Weeks 17-18, 169.4 lbs & A New Personal 5K Record

2007-03-06T18:16:00.000-05:00

Finally, a really outstanding week (in terms of health, anyway), and I really needed it. Everything else in my life seems sooooo unstable right now with my husband's whiplash-like Navy "schedule", my own high-pressure job, and now my family back up north seems to have disowned me for the time being over something really ridiculous. I mean, the situation is one step above Jerry Springer-worthy, and yet I'm the one on the outs because I decided to interject some rationalism. It's times like these I'm grateful for being hundreds of miles away. Okay, bad tangent, but that's why it's nice to have my health-related goals to focus on while it seems like everything else is going down the drain. My husband and I signed up for a 5K on Saturday, and we both did great. I actually had a personal best of ~35:20min, finally breaking a previous time of 36min. That's my husband pacing right in front of me. I was able to keep up with him for at least a mile before I lost him going up a bridge. It was by far the longest I'd ever been able to keep up with him before pooping out, or before he started walking beside me while I shuffled. Quite the accomplishment, considering he's in MUCH better shape, having to run all the time for physical fitness tests at work.

The other great thing - I finally got my act together after a couple of weeks of on-and-off binging. I've been going to the gym regularly again, and I've been stricter with watching what I eat. The reward is FINALLY breaking the 170 mark. I'm pretty sure this is the lowest I've weighed since grade school! Another nice thing about getting back on track: fitting into an adorable pair of size 12 white pinstripe dress-pants that my husband affectionately called "do-me pants" - hehe.

30-In-30 Challenge: Weeks 15-16, 171.6 lbs & My NON-Fat Tuesday Celebration

2007-02-20T22:59:00.000-05:00

In keeping with our new tradition of not indulging on holidays that embrace and celebrate gluttony (think Thanksgiving), I decided to run on Fat Tuesday and fore go my church's pancake dinner. It was only two miles, but I did it without stopping to walk, even though I had side stitches for most of the run. And I finished around 23:40, well under my low-expectation goal of 25 minutes. Whoo-hoo!

30-In-30 Challenge: Week 14, 171 lbs

2007-02-08T20:07:00.000-05:00

So I just realized that I'm not even halfway done with this 30-week challenge to lose 30 lbs, and I've already lost 37 lbs! I had another good week, lost another 1.6lbs. God bless digital scales - it shows progress, no matter how small. The other exciting thing that happened this week - My size 14 dress pants are embarrassingly baggy, so I've started buying size 12 - whoo-hoo! I haven't worn a size 12 since grade school. No exaggeration!

The reason for the picture is that I have to give a plug to YOU: On A Diet, my new favorite book. Don't let the title fool you, it doesn't really push any revolutionary new faddish way of eating to lose weight (yes, it's got an eating plan, but it's mostly common-sense. naturally low-carb stuff I already do anyway, even though the authors take a few jabs at low-carb "diets" throughout the book). Instead, this book delves deeply the body's digestive system and how we process the foods we eat. It has LOTS of fun diagrams and pictures that dumb down all this scientific crap for me so that it's not boring at all. I've read it cover-to-cover now and I already feel like reading it all over again just 'cause there was SO much information, I couldn't possibly soak it all in. I HIGHLY recommend this book to ANYone who wants a better understanding of how every nutrient and bite of food affects their body, and anyone who's looking for a new kind of motivation in their weight-loss journey. And FYI, this book is by the same medical doctors who wrote "YOU: The Owner's Manual", and both books were featured on Oprah. AND, they're the same docs behind the website www.RealAge.com.

Inspirational Testimony?

2007-02-04T20:24:00.000-05:00

I had yet another profound moment this past week on this long weight loss journey of mine. I was catching up with my mom over the phone Friday night (yeah, I have no life - sorry Mom - hehe), and keep in mind that I just flew home to visit her, my step-dad, and my brother a couple weeks ago. And I had lost at least 25 lbs since the last time they saw me. Anyway, last Friday night, my mom informed me that she had asked for prayer for me and my struggles with my weight in a prayer group at church last fall (back when I was still binging while my husband was away for months at a Naval school). They were told to get in small groups of three for prayer, so it happened that my parents were paired with a man who had been struggling with his faith. And they asked him to pray for me.

Fast forward to when I went home a couple weeks ago, and I went to church with my parents. I didn't know it at the time, but I was introduced to this man who had been praying for me. My mom later told him that I was the one they had requested prayer for and explained how I used to weigh over 255 lbs, to which he responded, "I was gonna say, I was starting to think you had a different definition of 'overweight'!". Point is, it was a revelation to me that someone was praying for me. I consider myself to be a rather spiritual person, and yet it had never occurred to me pray for help with my weight problems. I've NEVER prayed about it. And it didn't take me long to figure out why: the guilt. I've always felt like if I wanted it badly enough, I could lose the weight. I was a fat slob because of my own doing. So why pray about it if it was my fault to begin with? I should've known better. I see now that it's no coincidence that shortly after my mom asked for prayer that I somehow managed to get back on track. And now, hopefully this man who was struggling with his faith can see that God is really listening! The whole story just makes me feel like I have a higher purpose in this process. It feels like I'm letting more than just myself down if I get sidetracked now..... but it's an awesome feeling.

The other bit of news from my mom is the effect I had on my brother. I wrote about his own lifelong battle with his weight earlier, and how he had gained at least 50 lbs since the last time I had seen him 6 months ago, and how he appears to suffer from the same binge-eating tendencies that I do. Well, while at my parents' house, my brother hugged me and told me how great I looked, referring to my weight loss. It felt really good, and it was so unexpected, given our rather rocky relationship. And now, according to my mom, he appears to be trying to eat well and exercise again. Hallelujah! It feels so good knowing that I might have been the catalyst that got my brother to wake up and realize that he was headed down a dangerous path with his health. Thank you, Lord!!

30-In-30 Challenge: Week 13, 172.6 lbs

2007-01-30T19:27:00.000-05:00

So I joined a gym last night. Lifestyle Family Fitness. My husband had been encouraging me to do it for a few weeks now, and so we finally went last night to sign me up. I've actually been a member of this particular gym before, but I had to let my membership go earlier this year because I was in between jobs, finances were tight, and I wasn't even using it (yup, I was sitting at home instead, having nightly binge-eating fests 'cause I was super-stressed from the money issues, and my husband was on deployment and therefore wasn't there to watch me self-medicate the stress and pain away with food). Anyway, I really do love this gym - it's brand-new with all new equipment, it's got TVs hooked up to all the cardio equipment, the staff lets me do my own thing, there's no waiting for machines, it's perfectly safe and well-lit (the main issue, since the only time I can workout is after dark), I know from experience that breaking my membership is absolutely hassle-free, and the best part - it's practically across the street! No excuses. So I worked out last night after signing up, AND I went again this morning before work. It felt so good to be back.

But back to last night's workout. I had an interesting bittersweet experience there, something that only truly formerly FAT people can relate to. And it's not the first time something like this has happened. First off, when you swipe your membership card to check in and enter the building, your picture on file appears on the clerk's computer screen. Well, when I checked in last night for the first time since dropping my membership earlier in the year, the clerk made a weird face, said there was some sort of mistake with my picture, but let me in anyway, saying she'd look into it and resolve it later. Well, on my way back out the door after my workout last night, the same clerk stopped me at the door and asked that next time I come, that I have someone take my picture again for their files. She said that the one they have for me looks nothing like me, and that she doesn't "want to see that person" anymore when she checks me in (she meant it as a compliment). Finally, the light bulb went off in my head, and I asked her to turn the computer screen to see what they had on file. I knew it was coming, and yet I was still shocked, 'cause it was even worse than I had thought. No wonder she had been so confused. There I was on her computer screen, a good 50 lbs heavier, with my hair back in a tight ponytail, and such poor picture quality that even I couldn't recognize my own fat face. The only way I could tell it was me was from the t-shirt I was wearing - a ratty old high school t-shirt. I literally looked like the Michelin Man in a turquoise 1995 perfect attendance shirt. I didn't know whether to be proud of my present self, or to feel sorry for my former self. I said as much, and she congratulated me how far I had come. Safe to say I couldn't wait to have that new picture taken this morning when I went back again!

Sorry for the topic-change whip-lash, but it's the Tuesday check-in for Jimmy Moore's 30-In-30 Challenge (2 lbs lost this week!), although I guess after reading about the changes to the Challenge, I think I'm going to be making my own changes to my participation in it. I've already met the challenge of losing 30 lbs in 30 weeks, so I think I'll simply continue on toward my ultimate goal weight of 150 (I'm so close), continuing to count the weeks since I've started (1 Nov 2006), and of course I'll keep checking in every Tuesday on Jimmy's Challenge blog for accountability.

30-In-30 Challenge: Weeks 11-12, 174.6 lbs

2007-01-25T22:10:00.000-05:00

Yes, I'm now WELL aware that I have the fattest, not-cutest-looking feet ever. I just never quite realized the extent of the non-cuteness until I attempted to take a picture of them. It explains why my mom has referred to them as Fred Flintstone feet all my life. Anyway. I have a new toy - a new scale by Weight Watchers. It pretty much does everything but talk to me , which it really SHOULD talk considering how much I paid for it. Oh well, that's what birthday money is for. And I figured I hadn't truly rewarded myself in awhile. It measures body fat, BMI, even my hydration level, and all sorts of other stats. And it remembers all this stuff for up to four people. Sad part? I've had it for about two weeks now, and I have yet to do anything but check my weight.

So I've had a busy couple of weeks. I flew back home to Chicagoland last weekend to visit parents and my brother and my adoreable little nephew. AND managed to eat well and lose weight. I couldn't really get any exercise in, and I haven't been up to working out since I got back, either. TOO TIRED, feeling like I'm still catching up from being gone for awhile. But it all turned out well, and everyone was amazed at how much I'd lost since the last time I'd been home. It was powerful motivation.

One of the hard things, though, was seeing my brother. He had clearly put on at least 50 lbs since I last saw him in August. I'm guessing he's easily over 300 lbs. His weight story is quite similar to mine, a lifetime of yo-yo-ing up and down. But it didn't hit me until last weekend that he may have the same binge-eating depression/coping issues that I do. How else does a person pack on that much weight in such a short time? It was really hard to see, almost like looking in the mirror at my former self. So jovial on the outside, but so filled with pain if anyone cared to look a little more closely. It's by far the heaviest he's ever been. And now that he's got a new kid, I gotta imagine that it'll be even harder now to lose the weight again.

One highlight, though, was a field trip to Black Earth, Wisconsin - home of the famous scandal-ridden shoe store The Shoe Box, and a great sports bar (under the same owners, who also own the Madison Mallards baseball team) called Rookies. The bar also has its own whiffle ball field, and in case you can't read the seventh rule, it reads: Close calls result in a Chug-off. And for all you southern snowbirds, the field was more suited to making snow angels than double-plays.

30-In-30 Challenge: Week 10, 177.5lbs - GOOOAAL!!!

2007-01-09T22:34:00.000-05:00

YES!!!! I DID IT!!! I feel so good, I could almost go out and pull a Chastain, but I still don't have the body for that, the hubby probably wouldn't approve, and well, ....it'd just be weird without being in the middle of a soccer pitch having just scored a winning goal in front of thousands of cheering fans. But I feel almost as good as she did in that moment. Not only did I lose 30 lbs within the goal of 30 weeks - I lost it in TEN weeks. I don't think I've EVER lost weight that fast. I keep waiting for a month-long plateau to hit me, but it just never came. No complaints here, although I'm pretty sure I need to start eating a little more.

So now I'm less than 30 lbs away from my goal weight of 150. I'm well aware that these next 30 lbs are going to be a lot harder to lose, and so I know it'll take a lot longer than 10 weeks. But I've proven to myself now that it's very do-able by the end of 2007.

Because my ultimate goal weight seems so close, I've been thinking a lot about how to prevent my typical self-sabotage whenever I get to this stage. A lot of it has to do with my all-or-nothing attitude when it comes to eating right. I'm one of those people who has to eat perfectly, and once I get off track, it's nearly impossible to right myself before I've gained nearly every pound back. I use one single eating mishap to justify days, weeks, even months of binging. I mean, if I eat one cookie, I tell myself that I've blown my diet, so I might as well keep eating the whole package!! Then I'll go to the grocery store up the street and buy a whole bunch of junk food to scarf down for the rest of the night because, well, "I'll just get back on track tomorrow". But then the next morning comes, and I see that all the junk food from the previous night isn't gone yet. Well, I can't very well throw it away, that's wasteful! So I eat it, telling myself I'll just get back on track the next day. Then I go buy more junk food for the rest of the night, and the cycle just keeps repeating itself, day after week after month.

So after some thought, feedback from others, and a little online research, I'm thinking about joining Weight Watchers when I have about 10 lbs left to lose. So far it seems like their points plan is just what I need to combat this destructive inner dialogue. I need a different perspective on food. A new set of rules. Some view that says that it's perfectly okay to have the cake, so long as I make up for it in other ways, like cutting back earlier in the day/week. So that's what I've been kicking around in my head lately. That's a ways in the future, though. Right now I'm am perfectly content to enjoy the feeling of nearly 2 1/2 months of success.

Speaking of that, just because I met my goal already of 30 lbs, that doesn't mean I'm done with the 30-In-30 Challenge. I'm just going to set a new goal for it: I think another 10 lbs is more than reasonable in what's left of the Challenge time. I have 20 weeks left, so that's about a half a pound a week. Very reasonable.

30-In-30 Challenge: Week 9, 180.5 lbs

2007-01-02T19:52:00.000-05:00

I'm so glad 2006 is over. For many reasons, this had to be the worst year of my life. So many stresses, curveballs, and worries, and of course my weight reflected every up and down. But it's over and done with, and I have never been more optimistic about a new year. I'm so excited over some of our plans, I just know it's going to be a better year in terms of less stress and moving on.

I'm especially excited about the head start I have on getting my weight under control again. I had another big week on this 30-Lbs-In-30-Weeks Challenge, losing 3 lbs during the biggest stretch of food-fests in the year: Christmas, New Years Eve, and my birthday. I didn't feel (too) deprived, and any sacrifice is well-worth the feeling of knowing I don't need to spend the first few weeks of 2007 undoing damage from stuffing myself over the holidays.

And now, on with the obligatory New Year's Resolutions:

1. I must finally reach my goal weight of 150 lbs this year. I started with Atkins for the first time back on January 1st, 2003. I've come so close to reaching it a couple times now, but somehow I always manage to self-destruct and eat everything in sight until I put nearly every pound back on. Not this year. I'm about 30 lbs away now. I've lost almost 30 lbs in the last two months when I started this Challenge, so SURELY I can lose at least that much again in the next twelve months.

2. I need to drink less diet soda. Specifically Diet Mt. Dew. My husband and I drink it like water! I would say I down about 3 cans a day. While this is still LOADS better than drinking 5-6 cans of regular Coke a day like I used to, all those chemicals can't be that great for me. I'd like to shoot for no more than a can a day.

3. I need to be more diligent with daily devotions. As a Christian, it's simply non-negotiable, and I've let it slide to the back burner for far too long. I want to continue in my spiritual growth, and I'm growing stagnant by not prioritizing my life around it more.

4. I need to take better care of myself. My weight isn't the only thing I let go in 2006. But it stems from that. When you don't take care of yourself in one area, the other areas tend to follow suit. I haven't had a dental checkup in about a year now, and it's been at least a year and a half since my last eye checkup. I really need to get a complete physical, beyond the normal yearly thing, including a complete blood work-up to get my cholesterol, triglycerides, etc. checked. I just need to be more vigilant with my body in ALL areas, not just my weight.

30-In-30 Challenge: Week 8, 183.5 lbs *NO CHANGE

2006-12-26T19:54:00.000-05:00

Well, I survived Christmas without gaining anything. Whew! In fact, the scale actually dipped down a pound during a couple of my morning weigh-ins this week, so I'm still right on track. No, I didn't lose anything this week, but that's perfectly fine by me. I had been worried about losing too fast, anyway. And how many people can say they made it through Christmas without gaining a pound anyway?

The bad news is that as I look back on 2006 with regard to my weight, I've had a LOT of ups and downs. Literally. I actually started off this year weighing around 170 lbs, SO CLOSE to being at my goal weight of 150. And then I let myself go again, ballooning back up to 208. It was the very definition of self-sabotage. It wasn't until I started the 30-in-30 Challenge on Nov 1 before I finally turned things around again.

So to remind myself that I'm still a success story, I thought I'd post my original "Before" picture. That's me on the left in 2003, just before I started Atkins. I'm at my heaviest in that picture, 255 lbs. The picture on the right was taken a couple days ago on Christmas Eve at 183.5 lbs. So while I may be ending 2006 heavier than I started the year, I'm not doing too badly all things considered.

30-In-30 Challenge: Week 7, 183.5 lbs

2006-12-19T19:58:00.000-05:00

Meow-y Christmas!! Yup, this is part of the cheesy photo that went out in our Christmas letters this year. Don't we make a great pair?? Well, the weight-loss challenge is still in full swing, and I'm still losing. Down 2 lbs from last week for a total of 24.5 lbs since I started Nov 1.

For the past few weeks, I've had a problem with not eating enough and feeling faint and losing weight too quickly. Well, this week I unintentionally evened things out by not exercising. No real good excuse, either, other than it just being that time of year and I've got a ton of errands to run everyday. But the good news is that I was still able to comfortably jog a mile yesterday without feeling too delirious. So my weight's still going down, my fitness level hasn't suffered too much, and hopefully I'm still on track to beat my personal 5K best on New Year's Eve.

30-In-30 Weight Loss Challenge: Week 6, 185.5 lbs

2006-12-12T19:11:00.000-05:00

Another huge "whoosh" happened for me this week. I lost 4.5 lbs this week. It feels great, but I'm guessing a massive plateau is on the horizon. I've lost a total of 8.5 lbs over the past 2 weeks, which strikes me as extreme, given that these aren't my FIRST 2 weeks. Last week, I was sick with a nasty cold and didn't work out all week, although I didn't eat much either. And the week before that, I think my sudden weight loss was just leveling out from a plateau I had been stuck on. Still, I worry I'm not eating enough. In fact, I know I'm not. Sometimes I'm hungry to the point of nausea or stomach pain. Other times I feel dizzy. And yet either I'm so busy at work that I don't have time or I forget to eat, or I'm at home and I fall asleep on the couch, or just don't want to eat late at night. As I write this, I realize these are incredibly poor excuses....... guess I gotta just buck up.

But the thing I'm really excited about - I'm not obese anymore! The Center for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) says so. According to my BMI, I am now just an average, overweight American!! Whoo-hoo!!!!! No more feeling piggy! Yeah, I suppose this is just a technicality, but it still feels good. Great, actually. This is the weight where I my size 16 jeans fit very comfortably again, as does almost everything in my closet. And I'm sooooo close to my Christmas goal of 185 lbs even.

By the way, this is a recent pic of me! I'm getting rid of that double chin!

Jimmy Moore's "30-In-30 Weight Loss Challenge": Week 5, 190 lbs

2006-12-05T18:24:00.000-05:00

I'm in! After falling off the low-carb wagon (and getting run over by it a few times) for a couple months, I finally re-dedicated myself to eating well and taking care of myself again. And the more I get into it, the more I look to the internet for inspiration and motivation. Turns out I almost missed Jimmy Moore's big "30-in-30 Weight Loss Challenge", his own answer to re-dedicating oneself to continued weight loss. His challenge is to lose 30 pounds in 30 weeks. He's proving it to be completely do-able, and I want in!

The Challenge officially kicked off back in August, but I'm gonna use November 1st as my starting date. That was when I got back on track, after letting my weight creep up to 208. So 30 weeks later and 30 lbs lighter, I plan on weighing 178 by May 29! Weigh-ins are every Tuesday on the Challenge blog, and today's my first, checking in at 190 lbs. Not bad for 5 weeks' work! And to make it even MORE special, Jimmy featured me in today's post! I feel like such a star - thanks, Jimmy!!

Speaking of Jimmy Moore, BIG CONGRATS for making on Fox News's list of Top 10 Health Blogs! This honor speaks for itself - Jimmy's blog Livin' La Vida Low-Carb is THE place to go for all things low-carb. Whether it's inspiration, motivation, product reviews, recipes.... you name it - it's simply one-stop shopping. He even has a separate Low-Carb Links page devoted exclusively to low-carb links, blogs, and theme-based posts. And since I've been away from the whole blogging scene for so long, I see Jimmy's now started his own Podcast Show as well! Soooo much catching up to do. Way to go, Jimmy, and keep up the outstanding work!

I Ran A 6K

2006-11-25T21:17:00.000-05:00

Hopefully this marks the beginning of a new Turkey Day tradition: instead of stuffing ourselves and laying around on the couch watching football on Thanksgiving, this year we first ran a 6K at the crack of dawn...... and THEN stuffed ourselves and laid around on the couch watching football :)

And I surprised myself, too. I wasn't in the best of shape for this race. My goal was to jog the first mile, and then walk the rest. But I felt pretty good after the first mile, and so I told my husband jogging beside me that I'd try running the first two miles, and then walk. Well, turns out this race only had a mile-marker at the first mile, and then nothing. I kept looking for the second mile-marker, but it was no where to be found. Soon we realized that we were nearing the end of the race, and so I figured I might as well just try to jog the whole thing! And finish, I did - it was the farthest and longest I had ever jogged. Granted, I'm a really slow jogger. Often I looked over at my husband to find him walking fast along side of me..... yes, he can walk fast and still keep up with my jogging when I'm really struggling..... which I was struggling...... But I finished without stopping to walk, and I'm proud of myself. And running that 6K gave me all the justification in the world for eating as much green bean casserole I could handle!

Something In Common

2006-11-24T19:47:00.000-05:00

I've finally found someone who embodies exactly who I am when it comes to my struggle with food. I have found it so completely impossible to explain to my closest family and friends what it's like to go from being on top of the world in terms of fitness and eating well to the deepest pit of laziness and over-eating. Kirstie Alley. One Hollywood minute she's a gorgeous full-figured model, strutting her bikini-ready body on Oprah. The next, she's the poster-child of obesity, a perfect example of self-destructive eating patterns and letting oneself go. Finally, I have someone to point to who can explain, on my behalf, just what it's like to be me any given day. It explains why I'm 225 lbs at the family Christmas party one year, and then down to 175lbs the following family reunion on the Fourth of July. There have been some family gatherings where I'm afraid that people think I'm pregnant, simply because I've packed on so much weight in so little time. This is me. I'm a non-famous Kirstie Alley. One day I'm huge. Depressed. Eating everything in sight. Ashamed to be seen in public. A hermit. The next day I'm on top of the world. Eating low-carb, fresh-everything. Running 5Ks triumphantly. Feeling great and loving the new wardrobe. That's exactly where I am right now. Back on the wagon, but always waiting for the other shoe to drop.

These Are A Few Of My Favorite Things:

2006-06-25T21:18:00.000-04:00

I was recently inspired to post links to this site for my favorite low-carb treats. These are the things I turn to time and again when I'm trying to stay on track. I used to think I was abnormal because I eat so much of the same things, over and over. But I read in the June 2006 issue of Women's Health (my favorite mag!) that I should keep on with my dietary routine. The article entitled "The Secrets of Success" (author Nancy Gottesman) talks about a National Weight Control Registry (NWCR) study involving women who not only lost at least thirty pounds, but also kept it off for at least a year. These women were asked about their successful habits, and one of them is to "eat more of the same stuff." Dr. Hill said about his NWCR study finding, "These people [who successfully maintain weight loss] are creatures of habit, and they don't deviate.... it works because lack of variety is proven to reduce food intake." So apparently being boring isn't a bad thing!

Okay, as for beverages, I'm a coffee-holic. I've tried coffees the world over, and for some reason, there's nothing better than Dunkin' Donuts coffee. And now they've one-upped the competition - a whole line of sugar-free flavored syrups to add to your favorite brew! Caramel's my fav.

I've also recently discovered Ezekiel Bread. It's not exactly low-carb, but it seems to be just about the healthiest bread you can find. I'll eat a slice every few days just to get some extra fiber. Besides, I really miss toast, and it's not bad when you top it with egg salad and a slice of bacon (my new favorite breakfast).

When I need a chocolate fix, I turn to my freezer. I keep a bar of 85% Cocoa Lindt Chocolate in there and have a square now and then. Because of its high cocoa content, it's packed with flavonoids / antioxidants, it's low in sugar, and so I also rationalize that it's good for me (in moderation, of course).

And my latest trick is to keep low-carb frozen dinners on hand for whenever I don't feel like going to a lot of work for dinner. Smart Ones (the ones that say "Truth About Carbs") are low in calories and carbs, and they taste pretty good, too. One of my quickest ways to backslide is having a night where I don't want to cook, so I turn to whatever's handy, which is usually my husband's stash of chips and ice cream. So before I give into temptation, I can pop in a quick frozen dinner, steam some pre-washed veggies for an extra side, and I've got an instant meal to fill me up and prevent a pantry raid.

I Ran For A Pie

2006-06-22T20:07:00.000-04:00

But I didn’t get one. And that’s okay. ‘Cause the prize was finishing another 5K without stopping to walk, and not the apple pies they awarded to those who finished under 24 minutes. I trotted across the finish line after 37 minutes - not even close to pie-worthy, and definitely not my best time, either. But again, that’s okay. I ran it to prove to myself that while I may have backslid in a big way this year, I can still do something I never dreamed of at my heaviest weight – JOG. Granted, there were SO many times I wanted to stop. I just kept telling myself, "At least do a mile. You can do a mile." Then once I made it to the first mile-marker, I said to myself again, "at least run half the race, you can do half." I set small goals for myself throughout the race like that, and before I knew it, I had done two miles and couldn't see the point of quitting once I'd made it that far. I was thrilled with having been able to do it, and I'm thinking of signing up for another one next month.

Lookin' On The Bright Side....

2006-05-31T11:47:00.000-04:00

I sit here on the couch contemplating how 2006 has gone so far, and I can't help but think that this year is going to go down as "one of those years" in my life where nothing seems to go my way. Just when I think I can deal with one crisis, life seems to throw me another punch, and I'm back to trying to pick myself up off the floor again. And to top it all off, I've completely let myself go again with respect to my weight. Back in January, I was at an all-time low of 173 and feeling absolutely incredible. Twenty-three little pounds away from reaching goal. It was right there in front of me. And then life just seems to throw all these things at me, and I again turn to food. May 8 was my yearly physical, and I found myself staring in disbelief at the scale as the nurse announced "206lbs". Later that day, I began to realize that my weight seems to be a visible barometer for how I'm doing on the inside. Anyone who knows me well enough should be able to look at me and immediately tell how my life is going at that particular moment. I've had a horrible start to my year, and I've got the extra 33lbs since January to prove it.

But I'm desperately trying to look at the bright side through all of this. I'm three weeks into my plan of eating better and making it to the gym for the first time in months. I'm already back down to 193. I've signed up for another 5K next month and am training to beat my old time. And I just realized that at this time last year, I weighed 228lbs, which had been the result of overeating from deep depression over my new husband leaving for a 6-month deployment. So when I look at it that way, forget the fact that I've yo-yo'd, I am still down 35lbs from this time last year. And that feels pretty good.

Introducing.... FERGIE!

2006-05-15T17:22:00.000-04:00

Our cat Fergie is a rather new addition to our household. We rescued her from the shelter in January 2006, and she's been a real treat ever since. She's a little over 3 years old, she's tortoiseshell in color, and we're guessing she was abandoned due to her constant hairballs and excessive shedding. Other than that, I don't know how anyone could've given her up. She's incredibly affectionate, loves to chase her toy mice around, and will watch the lizards on our balcony for hours. We named her after the Duchess of York because she's got some red hair mixed into her coat, and she could stand to go on Kitty Weight Watchers. And we're learning more and more that she's a high-maintenance princess - so "Fergie" fits in many ways.

Small Victory

2006-01-06T17:13:00.000-05:00

Today was a such great day. My pants have been feeling a tad loose lately, so I decided to try on a smaller size, a size 12, to see how they looked on me. THEY FIT!!! And I mean they fit in the sense that I definitely could wear them out in public and look good (NOT "fit" in the sense that I could only squeeze into them, having major stomach fat rolls spilling out of the top). I haven't worn that size since GRADE SCHOOL!!! Granted, they were "women's" and were made with stretch material. But I don't care. The tag said 12!!

Christmas 2005 Success

2005-12-28T09:26:00.000-05:00

Sweet potatoes. Pumpkin pie. Oyster stuffing. Dumplings. Glazed ham. Gravy. Chex mix. Mashed potatoes. Lasagna. Garlic bread. Strawberry cake. I managed to eat it all AND come back from our week-long holiday road trip a pound lighter! I lost a pound over Christmas!! How'd I do it? I cut back on food all week, especially since I wasn't exercising while on the road, and then let myself go at my husband's family's Christmas Eve and Christmas Day dinners. I told myself that those were free days, and that I would be all right if I got back on track the day after Christmas. My husband held me to it, and coming back to a friendly bathroom scale was the best Christmas present ever. Or at least a close second, next to having my husband home for the holidays (he's military).
So, now that I don't have to spend the first two weeks of the new year taking off last-minute holiday weight-gain, I get to have a running start in 2006 at my lowest weight ever. 81 pounds down, and only 24 to go. This will be the year I make goal!
This picture was taken by our Christmas tree, just before we left on our holiday road trip. I'm showing off my brand new kitty slippers, as well as an old sweatshirt that used to be way too tight for me. Here's to more continued success in 2006!

When Toothpaste Isn't Toothpaste

2005-11-14T21:27:00.000-05:00

I understand that some companies have to make certain visual analogies in their TV ads in order to demonstrate how their products work. The maxi pad industry pours blue water to show absorbency rates. Baby diapers do the same thing. Denture companies use dentures that in no way resemble the ones I've seen my grandparents run through the dishwasher. And toilet paper companies are no different - they want to advertise their product and its effectiveness without being too graphic. Unfortunately, Charmin has crossed the line in my book.

Their latest commercial, complete with cute dancing cartoon bears, has completely ruined toothpaste for me. At one point in the commercial, they squeeze toothpaste on the back of a human hand, and then show how well it wipes off with Charmin toilet paper. I guess at this point, everyone out in TV land is then supposed to conclude that the toothpaste represents someone's crap, and it's smeared on the back of a hand that's really just a stand-in for someone's backside. The result is that the past few days I've been reminded of human feces whenever I squeeze that tube of toothpaste onto my toothbrush. Was equating toothpaste, something we all have to use to clean our mouths with, to human fecal matter really necessary to sell toilet paper? Are their sales really doing that badly? Maybe if they'd make it so that 2 sheets don't clog up my toilet.... maybe that'd boost their sales.

Anyway, while we're at it, let's start using Twinkies to represent tampons, or your favorite lotion to graphically show the effectiveness of a certain brand of condom. I'm sure Twinkies would suddenly become less appetizing (if they ever were), and it'd probably make you think twice the next time you go to smear lotion all over your body. And now thanks to Charmin, I connect toothpaste and brushing my teeth with poop and wiping. It really gives their old slogan "Please don't squeeze the Charmin" a whole new meaning. THANK YOU, CHARMIN!

Trip to the ER

2005-11-13T20:32:00.000-05:00

Today was a first for me - my first ever trip to the ER. I had been experiencing chest pains since Thursday, and the stabbing pains were only getting worse. After only getting 2 hours of sleep last night because of the pain, I finally gave in and decided to drive over.

What exactly qualifies as an ER-worthy condition, anyway? I spent the entire 4 hours there feeling guilty for bothering them. I felt like they thought I was faking, or seeking attention. I mean, who has heart-related chest pains at age 26, anyway? I know I must've sounded nuts, but I figured chest pains weren't something to take lightly. And yet I still felt guilty for being there.

Well, the chest x-rays and EKG turned out normal, so the doctor threw around a bunch of big words as to possible causes, none of which were "fatal": costochondritis, pleurisy, and pericarditis, just to name a few. In the end, I don't think he really knew exactly what the problem was, just that "rest and elevation" should help it go away. He didn't seem too worried about it. So I figured I shouldn't be either.

That is, until I overheard what was going on in the partition next to me (the ER's "rooms" are just spaces marked off by curtains, so it was kinda hard not to). Anyway, this woman was describing symptoms IDENTICAL to mine: sharp stabbing chest pain the size of a golf-ball, spreading up into the left jaw, and worse when laying down. There must've been 4 different nurses/doctors in there getting her comfortable and helping her, getting an IV into her, getting the pain to stop immediately. Meanwhile, I've been laying on a gurney on the other side of the curtain in my lame robe for what seemed like an hour, listening to all this (thinking they had forgotten about me, too). The difference? She was 50-years-old with a prior heart attack, whereas I'm 26, and well, no prior history of anything.... But a "history" has to start SOMEwhere, right? After hearing that, I was no longer feeling as good about my pat on the back and "take two of these and call me in the morning" advice.....

Coffee-holics Vindicated!

2005-11-09T12:28:00.000-05:00

So the big news is that coffee is okay again. A new study claims that it doesn't lead to long-term high blood pressure problems in women. Whoo-hoo!! Good thing, too, 'cause I wasn't about to give up my weekly runs to Dunkin' Donuts for an extra-large caramel-marshmallow coffee w/ cream (My favorite! And sugarless, of course). The study also compared women who drank coffee to those who drank sodas, finding that women who drank pop (er, soda), actually showed increased risk for high blood pressure.

By the way, my runs to DD would be daily, rather than weekly, were it not for the fact that they're so few and far between here in the South!!! I swear, a DD on every street corner (sometimes two on same said corner) is one of the only things I miss from my life in New York.

Let The Holiday Rebellion Begin

2005-10-29T15:11:00.000-04:00

I think I'm going to actually going to try this, just to see the look on the kids' and parents' faces. Yes, that would be fun. Priceless.

Every year, I manage to gain weight over the holidays, starting with all those sale-priced bags of candy at Halloween. Then along comes Thanksgiving, and with it the pressure of not offending whatever family member who's hosting this annual stuff-your-face fest by stuffing my face, even when I don't want to. From there, it's a never-ending stream of homemade candies and cookies brought into the office everyday until Christmas. Seems like EVERYone's got their own candy dish on their desk or counter during this time of year. It's no wonder that weight gain is so inevitable in the coming months.

Well, not this time. I refuse to be pressured into being fat again. If refusing food when offered offends someone, well, so be it. They're not the ones with the crappy metabolism. They're not the ones who are going to gain 20 pounds the instant they start scarfing down fruit cake and pumpkin pie. They aren't going to be paying for my new wardrobe when nothing fits anymore. And they certainly aren't going to be suffering at the gym at the start of the New Year to get all those cookies and munchies back off their hips. Guilt-tripping me to eat during this time of year ("Oh, come on, it's Christmas." Or, "It's just a bite.") is just cruel, when you stop and think about it. No one would shove alcohol in the face of a recovering alcoholic. Can you imagine? And then guilt-trip them when they refuse? So why do it to people who are desperately struggling to keep their weight in check??

I am so proud to say that I am finally at my lowest weight since HIGH SCHOOL. After a LOT of hard work this year, I have lost over 45 pounds since May. And I refuse to let this hedonistic American tradition of holiday gluttony rob me of the payoff for all my hard work. So, Aunt Jane, unless you're gonna gain the weight FOR me, I will NOT eat your sweet potatoes this year, just to avoid hurting your feelings!!!

Another Item Crossed Off My Life's To-Do List

2005-10-22T17:48:00.000-04:00

Today, I did something I never thought I'd do. A few years ago and 70+ pounds heavier, I never thought I'd be running my first 5K, but that's exactly what I did this morning. My goal was simple: to run it without stopping to walk. Not only did I reach my goal, I've been bitten by the 5K bug and can't wait to sign up for my next race to better my time.

It was really an inspirational day, seeing so many people there, lots of them with pink signs pinned to their backs with the name of a loved one who had either survived or succumbed to breast cancer. Feeling the emotional weight of the day was more than enough to lessen whatever "discomfort" (more like my lungs were on fire, and I was afraid of passing out and getting trampled by the masses) I might have been feeling. It was worth the experience, and I'm feeling great about myself for accomplishing my goal.

Funny side note, my husband completely missed me crossing the finish line. I ran passed him, waving, and I assumed he saw me, but apparently not. I had to go back and find him, standing right where I had passed him earlier, still looking for me. I like to think he missed me because I was just that fast (although with a time of 36:20min, I know that's not exactly true. I think it was the pigtails that threw him off). His response when he realized I was already done and waiting: "I was gonna say, I was starting to wonder when people were finishing by walking...." Well done. I'd find another photographer, but this one's price was right. And I did make him wake up at 5:30a this morning on his day off after a long, long week of work.... Poor thing.... I still love him :)

M.I.A.

2005-10-18T14:47:00.000-04:00

I like to think I'm a good person. I try to be, at least. I pay taxes. I go to church. I don't litter. I use my turning signal. And when I get a new phone number, I make every effort to notify every single person in my phonebook with my new contact information. I update my info with every business I deal with. I send out mass emails as a reminder of my new phone number. Sounds reasonable, right?

Apparently not every person out there is reasonable. One such unreasonable person used to have my phone number before I got it. And since I'm a nice person, I'll do the nice thing and protect her name, so we'll just call her Ms. M.I.A. I am absolutely floored by how she just up and left. After I got my new phone number a year ago August, I spent the first few weeks playing her personal secretary, informing every friend, family member, former co-worker, debt collector, and telemarketer that this was no longer her phone number. And people, please, if someone tells you that you've got the wrong number, just take their word for it. Don't call back 10 minutes later. Or the next day. Don't call back months later, either, because Ms. M.I.A. is STILL not at my phone number.

Christmastime last year was especially fun, when all the distant relatives came out of the woodwork making their annual phone calls. One woman called and gave this weird story about how everyone was looking for her. One of my favorite everyday hassles for a few weeks was from a company who kept calling and leaving voicemail messages, something about being interested in buying her timeshare. Now, if they're getting through to MY voicemail, and hearing MY name and MY voice on the voicemail greeting, wouldn't all these people get the hint that they've got the wrong number? You would think that. But apparently not. I even had some school in Georgia constantly calling me, leaving automated voice messages about (her?) kid who kept getting detention at school.

Well, the months flew by, and no phone calls for Ms. M.I.A. But just when I was starting to miss all the attention, yesterday I get a phone call from her doctor's office. I tell the lady that this is no longer her number. Pretty self-explanatory, right? Again, that would be way too easy. The same lady from the same office called AGAIN today asking for her. WHAT PART OF "THIS IS NOT HER NUMBER", DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND?! And then ANOTHER phone call for her later this afternoon. I'm sure the phone calls will only increase as the holidays get closer..... I don't know who I'm more annoyed with - Ms. M.I.A., or her fresh-off-the-turnip-truck friends, relatives, co-workers, etc....

And yes, everyone I've complained to says, "Why don't you just change your number?" Well, namely 'cause it's a pain in the butt, I've had it for awhile now, and I keep hanging onto a small shred of hope that after a year these people will finally get a clue. Eh, maybe not.

So I think I've finally decided to start calling these people back, and asking them for some random person. I'll just make up a name, and start calling for that person. Over, and over again. I'll get the number off the Caller ID, and just start calling them back in 10 minute intervals. Then I'll call back the next day, just to make sure that the fictious person I ask for STILL isn't there. Yes, that would be fun.

That's my rant for the day.

Just Warmin' Up

2005-10-15T21:27:00.000-04:00

So this is my blog. Pathetic, isn't it? I doubt this will ever be an active site, but rather a place for me to vent once in awhile. Speaking of venting, I'm planning my next post to be a lengthy verbal rant on those go-cart/Little-Rascal-thingies that I'm always getting either run over by or stuck behind in a narrow aisle at the local Wal-Mart SuperCenter. I used to think the people that rode them had actual disabilities, and so I didn't mind getting accidentally run down once in awhile. That is until I recently discovered those scooters are actually provided by the store so that ANYone who doesn't feel like walking, indeed, doesn't have to. And yet, have you noticed that those are usually the very people who need the exercise the most?

Well anyway, that post will have to wait. Until then, just say no to bread. Unless you eventually want to end up on a scooter....when you should be walking.

Hello, World

2005-10-15T19:22:00.000-04:00

Well, this is me. Mrs. B.